More Faux Food Please

It all began with Krab (or K-rab, as I prefer to pronounce it). The idea of one food masquerading as another always intrigued me, so I (and some friends) decided to take it a step further: why not create a whole array of fake foods? Of course, there is probably the one of the original faux foods, bacon bits, as well as products for vegetarians like “Tofukey.”
I think what got it started for me was the TV show Cheers. The character Norm loved going to the restaurant The Hungry Heifer: Norm: Yeah, Cliffy had himself the "Ton O' T-Bone". For less than four bucks you get 24 ounces of USDA Choice "bef". Cliff: Bef? No, you mean beef. Norm: Beef? Don't be ridiculous, Cliffy. That stuff is "bef". You see it's a Hungry Heifer trademark for a processed, synthetic – what – meat-like substance. Cliff: Ah, no. Norm: What do you expect for four bucks? You see me complainin' about the "loobster"?
Why stop there? A few favorites that have popped up over the years include Eg (a synthetic egg product), Shrim (surimi-based shrimp, similar to krab), mlk (completely artificial milk), Chick’n’ (you may think it’s chicken-but it’s not), It’s Not Fish (What is it? I don’t know, but it’s not fish), and Tofoo (what could be more artificial than fake tofu?).
Then there’s the entire idea of anything that’s “mock,” as in the Ritz Cracker Mock Apple Pie (I’ve never had it, but I’ve heard it’s good). This led me to create my Mock Thanksgiving Turkey. I had this idea back in the ‘80s, but I didn’t actually try to cook it until the late ‘90s. It tasted amazingly good, and I guess I’ll have to make it again to photograph it for this blog.

MOCK THANKSGIVING TURKEY
Cook two-dozen fish sticks until crispy and brown. Mix up about a quart of instant mashed potatoes. Arrange the fish sticks on a greased baking sheet into an oval. Top with a layer of mashed potatoes. Continue alternating the layers of fish sticks and mashed potatoes until you have an igloo-shaped “turkey body.” Cover outside with more mashed potatoes. Attach two cooked, large broccoli spears to resemble drumsticks, and over with more mashed potatoes. Sprinkle the “turkey" liberally with paprika and bake in a 350-degree oven until golden brown.
Feed the family for pennies! They'll never know it's not a real turkey!