Let My People Eat!

One of my great laments since moving to the Bay Area is the dearth of anything resembling a decent deli. There are few things I miss about Los Angeles, but one of them is Canter's, which I virtually used to live at. The last good deli I went to was Katz's in Manhattan in December, and I have had a serious Jones for some juicy pastrami ever since. I've asked every Jew I know around here if there is good deli to be found in the Bay Area and they all respond "no." I've always found this odd, since San Francisco is known as foodie central. I have been advised to stay away from David's on Geary, as most consider it an overpriced joke. On a recommendation, I went to Saul's in Berkeley once, and found it woefully lacking. Others have told me about Moishe's Pipick in San Francisco, but I've heard mixed reports.
One place mentioned to try was Miller's East Coast Deli on Polk Street, and I am pleased to report that this picky deli maven is happy with the results. While not extraordinary by New York or Los Angeles standards, the food was far better deli fare than anywhere else I've found. Their menu is large and chock full of the standards like pastrami, corned beef, lox, whitefish, kugel, cabbage rolls, kishka and kasha varnishkas. I couldn't decide between pastrami and corned beef (the eternal struggle), so I went for "The Chief": pastrami, corned beef, russian dressing, and cole slaw served on rye. This generous sandwich was just right, with lots of steaming meat, wet cole slaw and the bread just the right thickness and slightly hard texture. I was a happy man. The also scored points for having Dr. Brown's Cel Ray, my favorite deli drink. Yes, it really tastes like celery, and it's refreshing accompaniment for corned beef or pastrami. Next time, I'm trying the matzo ball soup, which looked good and perhaps a Reuben (they have seven different varieties).Then again, maybe the fish platter, a feast for two for just $18.99. Overall, their prices are reasonable, with most basic sandwiches running $7.49 for 6 oz of meat and $9.49 for 9 oz. Another feather in their cap at Miller's: the serve H & H Bagels from New York, considered my many to be the best. Every time I visit Manhattan, I bring back a dozen, and brought one home with me for my next morning breakfast.
While not the perfect deli experience (no crabby waitresses), Miller's is pretty darn good, and by Bay Area standards for a deli, great. You'll be seeing me there lots!

Miller's East Coast Deli
1725 Polk St. (between Clay and Washington)
San Francisco
(415) 563-3542
www.millersdelisf.com

What is "Gourmet?"

What makes something gourmet? Is it the preparation, the quality of ingredients? Why is pressed ham not gourmet, while prosciutto is? I've seen ads where a restaurant will advertise that they use "gourmet" mustard. What makes that mustard gourmet? Is it because it's a grain, brown mustard, as opposed to French's yellow mustard? I saw another that said their dish was "practically gourmet." What's that, a step above slop served in a trough? Bottom line: it's an intangible and there is no magical standard that makes something "gourmet." Beware of labels!

New Outlet

Be sure to check out my new food columns at www.novometro.com

The Ten Condiments

I
Mustard
II
Mayonnaise
III
Ketchup
IV
Relish
V
Salt
VI
Pepper
VII
Horseradish
VIII
Tabasco
IX
Worcestershire Sauce
X
Soy Sauce

What's a Mexican Sandwich?

Who says good food has to cost a lot? Certainly, I love a fantastically complicated and expensive meal (especially when someone else is buying), but often the best cuisine can be found at little hole-in-the-wall places. These establishments are usually operated by their owners and have found their niche by preparing delicious food at reasonable prices. My favorites are the ones that have found a specialty and over the years, perfected it. You may never get rich running one of these places, but I’ve found that the owners take tremendous pride in their specialty—something money can’t buy.
Living in downtown Oakland, I spotted a sign reading, “Cervantes The Original Mexican Sandwich,” and my curiosity was piqued. What is the original Mexican sandwich? Visions of what this legendary concoction could be swirled around my head. While I discovered that there’s nothing on the menu actually called the original Mexican sandwich, I was pleased to find a small shop preparing fresh and tasty sandwiches with great daily specials.
Judging from the patrons I saw, everyone in the neighborhood loves the owner Frank—it’s no wonder, he’s very friendly and clearly loves his customers back. As he explained it, the place got its name because they were the probably the first ones to start putting jalapenos and red onions—more spicy and Mexican-inspired condiments—on their sandwiches before it was popular. The original owner, Efren Rivera started with a location in San Francisco in 1962. He opened the location in Oakland in 1977, closing the San Francisco store fifteen years ago. Frank says he bought the business seven years ago and hasn’t changed a thing, except for adding his popular barbecue tri tip on Thursdays and spare ribs on Fridays.
Everything is fresh at Cervantes, with Frank preparing a whole turkey and chicken breasts every day for his sandwiches. One patron, Ukay, was enjoying the spare ribs when I stopped by. “These ribs are excellent—they’re my Friday treat. I try to eat right, but on Friday, I come in here and I have this,” he said. “They’re really good and tender, and the sauce is great—it’s kind of in-between hot and mild, a nice medium.” I’ve had Frank’s ribs, and I must agree—they’re literally fall-off-the-bone tender and the sauce packs enough of a punch to enhance the flavor and not overwhelm. You better get there early though, he was already sold out by 12:30 on this Friday afternoon. He gives you a very generous portion for $8.50, including bread and potato salad. I’ve also had the turkey sandwich, and it was tender and had lots of flavor—something you can only achieve by making whole bird fresh. With sandwich prices ranging from $4-$6, they’re an excellent bargain. A wave of nostalgia swept over me as I spotted a sardine sandwich on the menu—my father’s favorite. How many places have that? Cervantes also offers a daily hot sandwich special, salads, and wraps, as well as breakfast sandwiches and burritos.
Although I was disappointed to find that there was no original Mexican sandwich, I was pleased to find this little gem of a sandwich shop in downtown Oakland with its affable owner.

Cervantes the Original Mexican Sandwich
320 E. 17th St.
Oakland
(510) 836-2077
Fax: (510) 836-2074
Catering services available.

More Faux Food Please

It all began with Krab (or K-rab, as I prefer to pronounce it). The idea of one food masquerading as another always intrigued me, so I (and some friends) decided to take it a step further: why not create a whole array of fake foods? Of course, there is probably the one of the original faux foods, bacon bits, as well as products for vegetarians like “Tofukey.”
I think what got it started for me was the TV show Cheers. The character Norm loved going to the restaurant The Hungry Heifer: Norm: Yeah, Cliffy had himself the "Ton O' T-Bone". For less than four bucks you get 24 ounces of USDA Choice "bef". Cliff: Bef? No, you mean beef. Norm: Beef? Don't be ridiculous, Cliffy. That stuff is "bef". You see it's a Hungry Heifer trademark for a processed, synthetic – what – meat-like substance. Cliff: Ah, no. Norm: What do you expect for four bucks? You see me complainin' about the "loobster"?
Why stop there? A few favorites that have popped up over the years include Eg (a synthetic egg product), Shrim (surimi-based shrimp, similar to krab), mlk (completely artificial milk), Chick’n’ (you may think it’s chicken-but it’s not), It’s Not Fish (What is it? I don’t know, but it’s not fish), and Tofoo (what could be more artificial than fake tofu?).
Then there’s the entire idea of anything that’s “mock,” as in the Ritz Cracker Mock Apple Pie (I’ve never had it, but I’ve heard it’s good). This led me to create my Mock Thanksgiving Turkey. I had this idea back in the ‘80s, but I didn’t actually try to cook it until the late ‘90s. It tasted amazingly good, and I guess I’ll have to make it again to photograph it for this blog.

MOCK THANKSGIVING TURKEY
Cook two-dozen fish sticks until crispy and brown. Mix up about a quart of instant mashed potatoes. Arrange the fish sticks on a greased baking sheet into an oval. Top with a layer of mashed potatoes. Continue alternating the layers of fish sticks and mashed potatoes until you have an igloo-shaped “turkey body.” Cover outside with more mashed potatoes. Attach two cooked, large broccoli spears to resemble drumsticks, and over with more mashed potatoes. Sprinkle the “turkey" liberally with paprika and bake in a 350-degree oven until golden brown.
Feed the family for pennies! They'll never know it's not a real turkey!

Consuming Mass Quantities

Is competitive eating Gonzo? I think so, especially if you did it before the era of these competitions being covered by ESPN. The San Francisco Bay are has long been known for its "characters," and Eddie "Bozo" Miller recently passed away. Miller was famous for his considerable appetite long before competitive eating became a sport and there's going to be a public memorial for him soon, which I will cover for this blog. For some reason, links aren't working this morning, so here's his San Francisco Chronicle obit:

Competitive eating champ Eddie 'Bozo' Miller dies
Meredith May, Chronicle Staff Writer
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Eddie "Bozo" Miller, a competitive eater whose gastronomical feats earned him a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records - twice - died Monday in his Oakland home. He was 89 - or 99, depending on which version of his story he liked to tell.
Although Miller suffered from diabetes, a weakened heart and kidney failure, his family said he died of old age.
A son of vaudevillians, Miller liked to do everything in high style, whether it was betting on horses, managing boxing fights or competitive gorging. He once claimed he outdrank a lion in a martini contest.
The 1981 edition of Guinness Book of World Records dubbed Miller the "world's greatest trencherman," or heavy eater, and listed him as undefeated in eating contests since 1931. He ate 27 roast chickens, of 2 pounds each, in one sitting at Trader Vic's in Emeryville in 1963. He drank two quarts of liquor in an hour. Both feats vaulted him into the Guinness World Book, but the chicken escapade also won him a $10,000 bet.
At the time, he weighed 280 pounds and was consuming 25,000 calories a day - 11 times more than his doctor recommended. At the peak of his eating contest days he stood 5 feet 7 and tipped the scale at 330. He wore a 57-inch belt.
"Yes, he was larger than life," said his daughter, Candice Blackman of Pleasant Hill. "He was a born showoff."
Growing up with Miller, life could be a bit of circus. He drove his kids to school in lime green or bright yellow Cadillac convertibles. "He had the top down, music blaring, and honked these crazy horns he had installed," Blackman said. "It was always embarrassing."
There was a jukebox in the Miller breakfast room that he always kept stocked with 45s.
"He wasn't a normal dad, that's for sure," she added. "Every day he went to the racetrack, came back and cooked dinner. He loved blondes, he loved booze, he loved life. We all miss him."
Miller was proud of his epicurean prowess, and claimed he once ate 400 raviolis - single-handedly wiping the pasta offering off a restaurant's menu. He once consumed 30 pounds of elk meat loaf, and bragged he could down up to 12,000 raw oysters. For a beverage, Miller favored the martini - 10 to 12 of them before lunch.
His calling card read, "World Champion of Gourmand Gastronomics."
He told The Chronicle that he beat a lion in a martini-drinking contest.
"Some guy from the circus came into the restaurant - Reno Barsocchini's, I think - with a lion on a leash," he said.
"I drank them out of a glass, and they put the martinis on a soup plate for the lion. I maybe had about a dozen. The lion, he kept lapping them up until he just fell asleep."
The sometime fight promoter, bookie and liquor salesman was born in San Francisco. As a boy, he traveled with his parents on their vaudeville circuit, discovering he could entertain the performers with his stomach capacity. As a young man, he impressed his friends at ballgames with his disappearing hot dog trick.
His antics became professional, then legendary, and he attracted many Hollywood celebrities. In newspaper interviews, he described sumptuous dinners and claimed table guests such as Frank Sinatra, Lauren Bacall, Joan Crawford and Dean Martin.
In 1946, he married Janice Bidwell, a former princess of the Pasadena Rose Bowl. Ten years later, she suffered a brain hemorrhage that left her an invalid until her death in 2001.
His family is planning a private funeral, but a public "Bozo Bash" will be held in a few weeks to celebrate his life.
Miller is survived by two daughters, Blackman and Virginia "Cooky" Logan of Napa; and four grandchildren. A third daughter, Honey, predeceased him.

Gonzo Foodism

Coming Soon